Veteran's Day - 11/11/11. My Thoughts, Over Coffee.

I made a special cup of coffee today and drank it looking at the sun coming onto the beautiful Colorado National Monument that is the backdrop to one side of Grand Junction. Last night on PBS there was a wonderful program about Vietnam, where they interviewed Veterans of the war, including some women.  I've written in the past about my appreciation for My Greatest Teachers in becoming an occupational therapist (OT), and those were the 'guys' who came three times a week at noon through the locked door of the psychiatric unit at the Denver VA Medical Center, where I'd gone quite out of my way to have an internship. They came to chat with the OTs who would eat their lunch out in the room around a table.  It was rare any of the 'guys' brought food, they came for the conversation.  I was privileged to have the experience and have been a different therapist because of it.   

Due to the changes in medical care in the US, which were driven by various funding sources as well as the increasing reliance on pharmaceuticals prescribed by psychiatrists, and away from other effective treatments for mental and behavioral health, there were virtually no OT jobs in psyche anymore.  But, I'd always resonated with the history and theory underlying occupational therapy, and 'psyche' was an enormous part of occupational therapy, so I wanted to experience an internship since I likely wouldn't get a job in it in the future.  

My supervising OTs who worked for the VA were older, one was "motherly" and the other "grandmotherly".  The elder was the matriarch and she reminded me of a slightly quieter version of the mother on "The Golden Girls"; she was a tiny little thing with big glasses and she could be firm, funny, and kind.  Essentially, she had developed the group eight years prior, so in 1988, and three times a week, 52 weeks a year, 'they were there' at midday on Monday, Wednesday and Fridays.  You can't take off at the holidays -- that's when people need it the most sometimes, naturally.  Basically, they lead the group to address the issues from Vietnam and combat, but instead of focusing on the PTSD and what caused it, they focused on what was going on currently which was causing someone to have an issue.  Perhaps it was the interaction they had with a loved one.  Perhaps it was fireworks being shot off for July 4/Independence Day.  They'd find strategies to suggest then talk about how that went the next time the 'guy' dropped by the group.  They came regularly.  

I was amazed that when one of them had fears about his upcoming knee replacement surgery and the rehabilitation after and what that was going to cause in his life (such as not coming to group for a while), the 'guy' next to him put his hand over on his leg and comforted him a bit.  What I found out later was that man had been an officer and initially there was a lot of dislike and tension between the members of the group based on their attitudes about rank from the past.  That all was neutralized eventually through the group's process.  There was a group lead by psychologists for Veterans with PTSD, and they focused on PTSD and the events that caused it, I heard, and there overall wasn't the progression that had occurred with this group.  I've used that experience intricately with groups I've established since and in my work through Lumigrate, which is now reaching hundreds of people a day.  

The experience also helped me understand and be able to navigate a significant relationship that begun about five years after I became an OT.  My beau had been in the 101st Airborn and ended up essentially being part of a 3 man 'code talker' team; there was a 4th man with them whose job it was to kill them if they were definitely going to be captured by the enemy.  Their equipment was made to destruct as well.  At one point they were so close to being captured, they destroyed the equipment and just then the chopper came in and they were, again, safe.  Until the next time.  

I made a special cup of coffee and contemplated Veteran's Day in honor of what I learned from the years in a relationship with him; for his 21st birthday, which fell while he was on duty with the Army's "Screaming Eagles", the 101st Airborn, around New Years 1970/71 in the now-famous A Shau Valley.  This timeframe and 'hot spot' was part of the PBS show last night, where I learned that he was there during the last big surge there.  The American public had become increasingly in protest of the casualties in the war and after that time they quit putting the US troops in such dangerous situations in major numbers.  

My beau had not had a great relationship with his commanding officer and, as he stood in the cold night at his post on guard duty, his C.O. came up to him with a cup of coffee and wished him a happy 21st birthday.  He never looked at coffee the same again, nor his birthday.  And after I heard the story, I hope I didn't as well.  So that's my story of how I started my Veteran's Day and why, with a special cup of coffee and though around that.  It happened that we'd started dating JUST before 9/11 -- we were eating breakfast on a Sunday in early September and talked about how we were overdue for an attack and what might be the 'unsuspected' means and our vulnerabilities.  48 hours later, 9/11/2001, we had the answer.  

Colorado Springs has Army/Fort Carson and the US Air Force Academy.  As my beau's colleagues and he were retiring from their city government jobs, we'd be out 'on the town' dancing on the same floor with the new 'guys' who were celebrating their imminent deployment.  Here's photo of us from the Navajo Hogan, our favorite blues joint at the time, around the time of his retirement party there.                                                                                              

Our relationship conflicts, which were related to what had occurred in Vietnam and before in his life, which included some childhood trauma in addition to much that was extraordinarily good due to his father's job in aviation and a former stewardess mother, increased.  I didn't end things because of my respect for his having served his country, subjecting myself to turmoil that I never had before in my life. He'd also relied upon a religious system for support which was shifting for his beliefs and he matured.  Growth sometimes causes things to become destabilized for a while.  If you're interested, I suggest you check out the adverse childhood experiences content that I've been working on getting onto Lumigrate: currently in the Forums in the one about psychology and things related.  

I'm glad for the whole relationship now, as it makes me able to more fully understand what the families of our military go through. Your teachers in life come in so many people and situations.  To his credit, he looked me not too many years back and essentially gave me the gift of knowing it was a special relationship to him as well and that he just had something that kept him from 'sticking' to someone.  He'd been married for over 25 years before our relationship so I'd seen him as a good prospect for the long term. That was not meant to be -- I believe I am on an 'accelerated curriculum' in this life to get a LOT of lessons by moving through some situations in months and years and not decades.  

He also encouraged me to get Lumigrate to the VA -- 'these guys coming back now have SUCH needs, Mardy'.  I asked him to help me with that; he'd been asked by his doctor at the VA to get involved and basically he was handing the torch over to me and saying he wasn't 'together enough' at the time.  Too bad -- he's an extremely talented person within organizations and he is among the best trainers/teachers I've ever seen. 

This is what else I plan to do today. My friend Alex, who I met before I went into the OT program at CSU, prepared a piece for Lumigrate for Veteran's Day; he actually knew the love in my life that I refer to anonymously, above. I don't recall they ever talked about their having served in the Army, at least beyond the basics of "where and when and with which division".  They both are born educators and are both extremely funny men. Alex's request as a Veteran for Veteran's Day is that people educate themselves about our country's 'foundational concepts' and he has set up a curriculum of links to websites and a DVD suggestion which is how he furthers his education about 'the process'.  I wholeheartedly believe we are heading into times that are remarkably similar to the late 1960s and early 1970s, evidenced by the protests in the world and US, as well as trends in our political parties.  I encourage you to follow the link and take a look at the piece. Yenta even commented on it!  As she says "It can't hurt!"  

www.lumigrate.com/forum/111111-honoring-me-veteran-claim-your-power-back-heres-how [1]

To all our military men and women, and their families and communities; thank you for your service and what you do to support it.  No matter what that is.  Many of us serve in jobs that support our country in other ways beyond 'military', but there really isn't anything like signing up to protect your country.  I'm grateful to all who have and are, and will be in the future.  I hope we all pitch in and make this world the most peaceful and prosperous it has ever been.  The link above gives much a person can apply to making that happen

~~ Mardy