Yenta's Take on Honoring Those Who Die

Hello my dawlinks!  I have a rather uncomfortable subject to kibbtiz (chat) with you about.  A good friend of mine passed away this month from breast cancer.  No, not Ellen's mother (thanks be to G-d), but another friend of ours.  Believe me, bubbelehs, it was a blessing that G-d finally took her.  There were also two co-workers of Ellen's that lost family members in the past two weeks to Alzhiemers and again, a blessing - they are no longer suffering nor are the ones closest to them.  We should all say Yitzka (Prayer for the dead) for them. Amen.

First I'm going to tell you there will be very little, if any Yiddish in this.  We should all be on the same page, if you would.  Every religion has its tradition.  I've been to a few wakes and have to admit I don't understand them.  The coffin is open, people go up to "view" the body, cry, say their piece, perhaps pray (G-d willing they should pray), and walk away sullen to sit in a chair or pew for a bit until the service.  Forigve me kindeleh, I never understood the viewing part of this.  It's a body, not the person themselves.  The soul isn't there, it's gone to where it should be (we can only hope). 

Then there's another lesser known tradition done with food surrounding the deceased.  And yes, liblings, this is still done in Europe.  A sin eat is hired to come and eat the food so the soul of the deceased person should have a safe travel to heaven.  Of course, there's also another tradition of Keening.  That's where those that are emotionally suffering express themselves by letting out a loud, long, "cry" of agony.  This is actually done at the graveside so none of the other spirits will stop the passage of the newly deceased.  Sounds strange but your tradition may sound strange to someone else, remember that bubbelehs.  I'm not done; get comfortable.

In the Jewish tradition, which I can speak to honestly, from death to burial is 24 hours in the Orthodoxy.  For the living, the difficulties are numerous, for the deceased, believe it or not, there are still pleasantries to be had.  I'll explain.  For the deceased, they are watched over by a Rabbi or Rabbinacle student, given a ritual bath, prayed over, dressed in a shroud, tallis (prayer shawl) if it's a man, and the casket is always closed unless the immediate family requests to view the face of the deceased one last time.

The service can be done either in the funeral home or grave side.  At the end, however, immediate family must throw a handfull of dirt (usually from Israel) into the grave or ontop of the casket.  If the casket is in the ground, then the first shovels of regular dirt must be put in by the MEN.  And a very important point, there MUST be at least 10 Jewish men at the funeral for it to take place for a minyan (quorum).  You see kindeleh, I told you the living don't have an easy job.  There's more.  We say Yitzkah (Prayer for the dead) everyday for a year for rememberance of the deceased.  Mirrors and pictures must be covered, so we don't reflect on happy times, we wear a black ribbon on our clothes where we used to tear our clothes over our hearts (you ruin so many clothes that way).

Let me tell you about something a little different.  Two years ago, Ellen's father passed away.  A wonderful man, you should only know from it!  Anyway, instead of suffering and beating their chests and showing their dismay, the girls, Shirley (the mother), Sharon, Robin and Ellen took their friends that attended the funeral out to dinner to CELEBRATE Mike's life.  Yes liblings, they celebrated the man.  They didn't mourn his passing, they didn't dress in black and hang their heads.  Those girls told stories of the man, wore bright colors, walked straight up with bright eyes and proudly stated who they are with full hearts and soring spirits.

This is what your Yenta is teaching you.  Death is not to be feared, it's to be celebrated.  It's not to mourn those that are passing on, you should remember the gifts they gave you and the world.  Kindeleh, dying is a part of living much like learning to walk.  Yes, you will cry, you will be sad and heart broken but your living on will honor those that passed on.  And this is the one time your Yenta will not say the usual line, my dawlinks.  Instead, Shalom, peace be with you and yours.

Your

Yenta

Comments

Mon, 10/24/2011 - 3:12pm

#1 [2]

Mardy Ross

Title: LumiGRATE Poster - Top of the Totem Pole

Joined: Feb 16 2009

Posts: 2032

Wonderful Writing; so deep and educational. Thanks, Yenta

 Sometimes I don't Comment on pieces right away, instead waiting for others to do so.  I did that on this one, then came back just now (late October of 2011) to read this.  Ellen's mother has passed due to cancer in the time since this was written.  I know that the family proceeded in the same manner as they did related to Mike, her husband who Yenta is referring to in this piece.  Yenta wrote other pieces that are related, such as about crying.  I hope you spend some time looking at the other pieces in this forum.  They have so very much to offer; this is the most somber I think.  I was actually looking for the one about Yenta getting sniffed at the airport by the drug seeding dogs! But I'm glad I clicked on this one; I retitled it just now as it was titled 'Yenta gets uncomfortable' and it had a much lower read rate from the audience than normal.  Hope the new title helps.  It can't hurt!  Mardy

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